Shaking my head here, Will.
On one hand, I can understand your position here. I can empathize with you. I can feel your frustration.
Then on the other hand I'm thinking WTF?? I have read your novel. I have read some of your short stories. I have read your poetry here. I have read your stories here. And based on what I have read, I can only shake my head. You are one very fine writer. I love your work. I love the way you string words together.
I also know this is your piece to wrestle with. I don't know the demons that live in your head. And I believe what you have written here to be true.
With all this said, I can only wish you well as you find your own way out of this knot that's tied around your neck. I am cheering you on, always.